About

December 31st, 2005 |

Tim was raised by a pack of wild lemurs after being forced out of the orphanage when he asked for a second bowl of steamy bile. The lemurs were kind, gentle creatures and instilled a loving yet firm sense of the world in the young boy. He was soon able to fend for himself in the wild, learning which leaves and fruits are the tastiest, and how to pull off a wicked 80-hit combo with any character in Killer Instinct.

Mom and Dad

He drifted from town to town, often sleeping in cardboard boxes or interstate underpasses, peddling his Killer Instinct skills for food and money. Soon he decided this was no way to live and that he needed to pick up a trade in order to fit in with other humans.

Soon Tim found an abandoned Tandy 1000sx with a box full of floppy disks of ASCII porn. What an amazing find! He dusted off a copy of MS-DOS 3.1 and was soon edlin-ing with the best of them.

On one of the disks he found an odd program by the name of GWBASIC.EXE. It was that magical fairy of a program that changed his life forever. He worked with that program, writing loops and peeking and poking when others of his age were peeking at females and poking each other with sticks.

It was destiny! With his new found programming skillz, young Tim set off for education. He found the University of Oklahoma, and a tasty beverage of a programming language called Java. He soon traded his dusty Tandy 1000sx for a newfangled machine with Windows 95 and began his learning in earnest. Earnest didn’t mind, trust me on that.

Soon University bored him and he set off to find work in the wild. Using everything his lemur family taught him and all the caffinated skills of Java and other assorted languages, he soon found work and became a happy cube dweller.

This, my friends, is the blog of that plucky young boy. Enjoy it, learn from it, and leave with a smile.